Truly, madly, deeply

Having a child with someone has allowed me to experience another level of love with/for my partner. I'm not very poetic with words but I do think I show him what I mean. Of course I loved Steve before we had B but this is another kind of love, much deeper. I have this overwhelming sense of love, protection, and respect for him as my partner and as a father. These feelings shake me to my core. I want B to grow up knowing that he has two parents who are madly in love and have undying respect for each other. No matter where life takes us, these emotions will remain unbroken.

Always give love.

In the moment…in the now

Such a happy babe

At 5 weeks, B weighed in at roughly 13lbs (Chubba Bay-Bay is right). According to the 'experts', that's quite the weight gain from birth for a breastfed babe (7lbs/13oz). I use the term 'experts' loosely - what do they really know besides the textbook stuff? All babies are different and everyone has their own advice, techniques, and reports of what your baby should be doing at certain stages. I did, however, look it up just because I was curious after some comments from people telling me 'how big he is' or hearing that looks to be weeks (and sometimes months) ahead of his size. He's just a happy, healthy, growing boy!
We're happy to report that he is wearing through his clothes - and fast! He's just about grown out of his 3-6mos sized clothes and working up to the 6mos. We love getting to know him more and more each day. We joke and say he's tripled in size in a matter of hours. B loves the outdoors. He enjoys long walks in the Bjorn with us (the weather has been nice and we have been able to get him out everyday). He loves the big trees and stares at them with such intensity perhaps envisioning himself climbing its branches. The big trees boasting the streets throughout midtown is one of the many reasons I love where we live (and the fact that we can leap off our doorstep and walk to any restaurant, shop, coffee house, etc). He's usually awake for 15-20min at the beginning of our walks and then tuckers out for the remainder or until we stop. We go to the park, the pool, the farmer's market, coffee shops, etc. Some days, he gets bored being at home so we try to get him out as much as possible. Being outside is an immediate fix at times when he's a little grumpy which is fine by me! This week, B has discovered the sound of his voice. Making 'ooohhhs' and 'ahhhs', mixing those with gurgles, grunts, and lots of smiles. We've been talking along with him imitating each other by sounding off the 'ooohhhs' and 'ahhs' - it's so exciting when he mimics us too! We clap and sing 'hooray' or 'yay' - he'll smile and on occasion look at us like we're crazy. We love it! We also have started baby signing for 'hungry' and 'all done'. We hope to stick with it and be able to communicate in the months to come. He has discovered the use of his fingers. He enjoys shoving them in his mouth, drooling all over them, and if not fingers, mom's shoulder tastes pretty good too. He loves watching his Artsee Smartsee dvd that Jenna, Micah, and Jax got for him. It plays classical music while flashing shapes and colors on the screen as well as a vocabulary section. He just stares and stares at it. All in all, those are his latest updates. He's such a good baby (I know all mothers say that but really HE IS). Life with him is amazing. Watching him see the world for the first time and has given me a chance to see the world in a second light. Really slowing down, taking time to appreciate the trees, the flowers, walking, playing in the water, sitting in a park, watching the world go by and be grateful for this very moment we're in. There's so much I want to show him and for now, I enjoy this moment as he is asleep in my lap after feeding as I type, pause, stare at his peacefulness, type, pause, and kiss his sweet face. I love you little man.

One of my favorite Jack Johnson lyrics form the song Inaudible Melodies:

slow down everyone
you're moving too fast
frames can't catch you when
you're moving like that

Pool time

First mini train ride with Uncle Rob

Strolling midtown

Farmer's Market at Cesar Chavez with my girls

6 weeks today

First Houseboat Trip

Last Thursday we packed our bags and headed up to Lake Shasta for a weekend houseboat trip with some lovely friends. This trip included some 'Bennett firsts' as well as celebrating Jaxon's 1st birthday:
First Weekend Getaway
First Houseboat Trip
First Boat Ride
First Swim in the Lake
First Game of Catan (more like sitting back and watching us adults play)

First boat ride - 4 weeks old

We arrived at about 4:30pm that afternoon. Jenna picked us up at the dock in the ski boat. We slipped Bennett into a life jacket, threw on his sun hat (thanks, Jaxon) and headed out on the lake. The first night Bennett slept 6.5 hours for the first time which was really exciting for mom (I woke that morning feeling like a new woman!). Friday, Bennett took his first dip in the lake. At first he wasn't too sure about it. We  captured some photos until he was over it. He passed right out after his 'long swim'. The remainder of the weekend went by too fast. He enjoyed himself, meeting new friends, taking first birthday advice, learning how to nap in the lake from Jax, and looks forward to the next houseboat trip - requesting that it be longer.

First swim in the lake with dad

Wishing Jaxon a Happy 1st Birthday!

Jaxon shows Bennett how to successfully nap in the lake

Did someone say diapers?

I knew we'd be going through a lot of diapers having a newborn and all but 20 in one day, really? Yes, really! Not that we go through 20 everyday but it happens - often. One reason we go through so many is that Bennett loves to take care of his business in a FRESH diaper. Not a minute after changing him and he's loaded another one! It has us cracking up every time as we watch the diapers come flying off the shelf. We were sharing this with some dear friends the other day and they had a similar experience when their daughter was a little babe. We laughed and joked, "Wouldn't you want to go in a fresh diaper too?" Of course we wouldn't be happy about using a dirty toilet and we shouldn't expect a baby to be any different. Always keep it fresh!

Side Note: If anyone is curious as to what to bring as a shower gift, parents truly value diapers and wipes! We were lucky that our friends who hosted our baby shower asked guests to bring diapers as a part of a raffle game (as well as a giant diaper cake made by our friends). The next shower I attend, I will definitely be bringing lots of diapers!

Can't take our eyes off of you

4 days old

Grandma Lorna's hand-made quilt

Mom always sneaks a pic of her boys

Besides staring, kissing, snuggling, photo-taking, loving and more staring - life at home with a newborn is just about that just add feeding, changing diapers, and sleeping. Repeat.

Week One
On Saturday, July 2nd, we made our first outing and went to our friend's house for a bbq. It was like we never missed a beat with our friends. We bbq with them just about every weekend and had dinner with them the night before the delivery, they visited us in the hospital, and we were right back into the swing of hanging out with them.

Sunday morning, July 3rd, B smiled and I caught it on camera from my phone. Sweet boy. We went to the Sunday Farmer's Market. Bennett walked around with me in his sling. He was zonked out the entire time. Later that afternoon, we visited a friend and swam in the pool. Well, B and I relaxed poolside.

To catch a smile, one must be quick (Day 3)

Farmer's Market (Day 3)

On 4th of July, we ventured out to the East Sac Parade. Hung out with some dear friends mid-morning to mid-afternoon watching the parade and festivities take place. Little man pretty much slept and ate throughout the day. We took some photos, ate and met a lot of people.

4th of July

We had our first doctor's visit at one week. B has gained a pound and his pediatrician was impressed with his progress. He asked if I had any questions. I asked him about breathing patterns. Newborns/infants breathe irregularly and will even hold their breath. So not to worry new moms, totally normal. The second and final question for the doctor was regarding skin bumps that looked like bite marks - totally normal as baby's skin needs to adjust to life outside the womb. The doctor said I was doing a great job for a first time mom and said that I seem so relaxed. Two thumbs up!

Week Two
We've had some visitors come and go. We've gone for walks in the sling if it's not too hot. We visit dad at the shop and hang out on occasion. We went to a three year old birthday party. Hung out at grandma's house a couple times. Another weekend bbq with our friends JNI. Attended a housewarming party in midtown to celebrate our friend's new digs. Had our second doctor's appt at two weeks as well. He has officially grown out of the newborn clothes! I am still working on how to successfully change his diaper without getting peed on and/or pooped on. I have to give it him. He has great aim, reaching my forehead at times!

Check-up at two weeks with Dr. Wolfree went excellent. B gained another pound and grew an inch and a half. The doctor couldn't be more pleased with his growth. He advised I could start pumping anytime and store the milk for future bottle feedings. I have to add that breastfeeding is amazing and literally melted 30+ pounds off within the first two weeks of giving birth. All there is to do is tone up! Started a light workout of yoga, abs, arms, and legs.

Week Three

We kicked off week three by heading to Big Bertha Children's pool. It's a wading pool with a huge mushroom fountain for kids. We lounged in the shade and watched our friends splash in the pool. Bennett smiled Thursday morning while talking to him, this time I believe it was an official emotive smile! All the other smiles prior I assumed to be gas-related or dream-related. On Sat, we attended the Launch 2011 event. It was the third annual art, fashion, music event put on by good friends of ours in Sac. Dad was a featured artist and showcased his work so we were excited to check it out. Bennett did great! Jammed to some music, saw some great art & fashion, met a lot of new people, and photo-bombed many cameras.

Proud of dad's work at Launch 2011

Dancing and posing with mom at Launch 2011

Other first month news: He's not sure if he likes his swing just yet but we keep trying. He'll sit in his vibrating chair just fine. Every new chair we try, he makes the funniest face as if we're crazy. Pretty hysterical. Bennett also loves shower time. He did not enjoy the sponge baths that first week. He'll get in the shower with one of us and just lay in our lap (our shower head detaches so it's really convenient). For several nights, we have slept 4-5 hours between feedings which is a nice change from 2-3 hours. We also have a fairly self-soothing boy, laying him down in his crib while awake and letting him fall asleep on his own. So proud of him!

He's really unsure about this

Passed out after a warm shower with dad

Lounging poolside at Big Bertha

Arrival Day

First bath around 8pm

My June 20th due date came and went so we scheduled a day to be induced. Thursday, June 30th, was set for our induction. I really wanted to have an all-natural birth and hoped I would go into labor without the help of medicine. As it turned out, the day arrived and we were set to go into the hospital and check in at 4:30am. Hello early morning! I called the hospital at 2:30am as instructed to see if they had a room/bed available for me. The nurse asked that we come in at 5:30am which was fine by me since I was pretty tired. The entire last month of pregnancy, was rather sleep-deprived so I welcomed the extra hour. I hung up the phone took up the couch, careful not to disturb my love in bed so he could rest. I sat lying awake for some time and began having contractions, only these were actual contractions! Not just the Braxton Hicks ones! I fell back asleep until the alarm went off at 4:30am. I took a long, hot shower while counting the contractions/minutes. By the time we were out the door, they were about 5-7 minutes apart.

We checked into the hospital at about 6am. We were led into our delivery room and I was handed a fancy hospital gown and asked to lay on the bed after changing. I went into the bathroom and began disrobing and stopped. My eyes began to tear up and I felt like I was out of my own body. It was strange. My thought sequence flowed, "Is this really happening? What do I do? Ok, calm down, stop crying. Breathe. You've been preparing for this moment for a long time. Relax. Steve's here, that's all that matters. You CAN do this." I washed my face, attempting to hide the redness from my tears before hopping into bed while the nurse started asking me questions. Steve is near the bed in the rocking chair and I feel the tears coming again and look over at him. He is whispering, "You will be fine. You can do this. It's ok." I thought the nurse would look at me like I was a wreck but she didn't one bit and continued through the process of questions, paperwork, hooking up the heart monitoring equipment, etc.

At 7am, entered a new nurse, Song-Sook. She started me on Cytotec. This is a pill that gets inserted into your cervix to help with dilation. I believe I was at 2cm when she inserted the pill. I was told to lay down fairly flat for the next two hours. Contractions and heart rates for baby and I are monitored while we waited. Steve and I played Mancala, ate breakfast, and breathed through the progressing contractions. By 10:30am, I was 4cm dilated and could sit up, use the restroom and have an hour break before they put me on Pitocin.

At 11:30am, the Pitocin drip began and so the ride begins. I do not recollect much when I started feeling the Pitocin intensify the labor. I'm not going to say it was easy, it was definitely work. The contractions were intense, right on-top of each other, and I was nauseous. My entire body shivered and shook uncontrollably. I was doing my best to breathe, more like trying to catch my breath. Steve was encouraging me, guiding my breaths, and being gracious in anything I needed (mostly hand-holding, massages, water, chap stick and mouth wash). He really helped me focus and I couldn't imagine doing it without him. The nurse gave me something for the nausea but it didn't help unfortunately so she tried another nausea medicine and that one wasn't helping either. Close to 1pm, I began questioning whether I could do this without pain relief. I eventually called Song-Sook in and asked for an epidural.

It was roughly 1:30pm, the epidural began to kick in and Song-Sook said I had reached 7cm and was 90% effaced. She said we would definitely be having the baby by the time she got off work (at 7pm). By 2:30pm, I was 9cm dilated. A part of me wonders if I could have gone without the epidural had I known how much I had progressed before asking for the relief (eh, shoulda-coulda-woulda). My doctor came in and broke my water around 3:00pm and at about 4:15pm, I did a few practice pushes/breathing with the nurse while she paged the doctor for delivery and the epidural was turned off. Two other nurses arrived, as well as the baby's nurse, and soon the doctor was ready to go.

It was go time! I asked for them to provide the mirror so I could watch the birth of our son. Steve was to my left, I had a nurse on each side, and the doctor was in position. I grabbed both of my legs and we waited for contractions to begin pushing. Watching in the mirror and seeing our progression with each push was amazing! Seeing his hair at first, then his forehead, then his head popped out, and finally his entire body - no words can describe watching what the human body can do so effortlessly. I gave 4-5 pushes and he was out in 13 minutes. Mr. B arrived at 4:39pm. Immediately, he was placed right on me and Steve cut the cord. A nurse wiped him down and so quickly I was breastfeeding him skin-to-skin. We were high on love (still are of course!) and it was the most magical experience. Those first moments with him were so special. I wish we could relive his birth again and again because there is nothing in the world like giving birth. The doctor finished sewing. I had two small 1cm sized tears and received two stitches for each tear. We were given about an hour to bond with our son before the nurses checked out his stats. He weighed in at 7 pounds, 13 ounces and measured 20.5 inches long - a happy, healthy, beautiful boy.

We both checked out wonderfully in the hospital and were able to be released the very next day just in time for dinner.